Are you a "Professional"?

Got this circulating around within "professional" colleagues. If you're one of the "professionals" , it's interesting to read on. How true it is, how applicable it is, your judgment.

A professional mistake
Your alarm rings, signalling another brand new day. You get up, looking forward for another new day of challenge, another new day to learn. After washing up, you put on your office outfit, giving you that professional look, one that you believe many out there envy. Breakfast follows (perhaps), and you head off to your office.

You're one of the earliest to arrive, ahead of all your superior and when they come in later, they greet you and you feel all charged up for another productive day. Plenty to do and learn and hence, you are prepared to stay back late to do all that is necessary.

If you're currently doing a degree in finance, accounting or law, the above is probably what you've been waiting for all these years. You work your ass off (well... most of you) in university because it's your dream to join one of those big glamorous firms out there in the market. Lawyers and accountants are the usual suspects for this curse.

Once graduated, all of them will run like headless chicken towards those big firms. If you're an accounting student... you want to be an auditor in one of the Big-4 right?

Well, if you do make it, it's like a dream come true. In such firms, you get a personal computer, maybe a notebook (wow!). All your stationeries are free, and it's also the first time you step into a 'pantry', where you can make your own coffee, just like those nice offices in TVB series.

Next, you get an exclusive e-mail, the domain after your name is not the ordinary "@gmail.com" or "@hotmail.com" or "@yahoo.com"... No, it's not, it's "your-name@a-big-and-glamorous-firm.com". You can't wait to tell that to your friend.Then comes the feeling of giving a business card with your name on it, and it's not any other business card, it's one with your name on it, it's one that signifies you're an employee with a-big-and-glamorous-firm. And... the word below your name is not a lowly "accounts executive"... the word below your name is exclusive... the word below your name is... "Associate". And when your friend gives you the

"Wow, you're an associate with this firm?"... you get into instant orgasm.

3 or 6 months into your job, you will then be experiencing the euphoria of saying... I-am-very-busy... I-have-a-lot-work... I-worked-till-very-late-last-night... I-can't-make-it-for-the-gathering-cos-I-have-to-work-this-weekend. Yeah, it's an euphoria because to you, it's a privilege to be busy, it's very cool to work late, you're very proud to work in during weekends. When you utter such words, a sense of arrogance and pride radiates from you.

You feel great because working so hard means you learnt a lot of things, those not in the professional industry somehow looks lowly to you. You feel big, you feel you're a level smarter than them .Reality will tend to sink in within 2 years or so, though the duration seems to be getting shorter and shorter now with the younger generation.

First, you will probably ask yourself, how come a graduate like you must do all sorts of donkey jobs such as photocopying, checking invoices, going through pile and pile of documents and filing. You will also be wondering how come your superior whom you once looked up to have to suck up to clients. Oh yeah... mostly all clients are unreasonable.If you're an accountant, you will probably realise that there is no such thing called a 'balance' sheet. It's balanced because you did the balancing act so that your big boss can sign on it and certify it as 'true and fair'. Yeah... signing on accounts, the job that you once dreamed of... isn't exactly all a bed of roses.

You then realise that you will probably never reach that "just-need-to-sign-only stage" but hey... it's ok, you probably hate that job by now. When you tell your client something, chances are you are just as blur and confuse as them. But you have to act as though you're an expert because you're the con-sul-tant. This is just a glimpse of it.Now, all the late nights and irregular meals will probably caused you to age 8 years in 2 years.

Those I-am-very-busy... I-have-a-lot-work... I-worked-till-very-late-last-night... I-can't-make-it-for-the-gathering-cos-I-have-to-work-this-weekend will take its toll on your body and it will show.

You will probably look very skinny... or very far... you will certainly look old and worn out. Working late and spending weekends in the office is no longer a cool thing but absolute stupidity. But hey... you will still have to do it, because there's still much work to be done.

By now, all your friends who ended up as salesmen or doing other thing except being a professional, those whom you felt superior to are driving anything but a proton. But for you, it's time to think whether you should buy a proton cause your perodua is beginning to give you problem. Of course, if your father is well-connected fella, things can be different. But if you're not, tough luck. You'll be wondering how come you're generally under-paid.

Those exposure and learning curve that you once craved are no longer relevant. You want to make more money. But unless you're a partner of the glamorous firm, money can be a lil tough to come by.At this point of time, probably after 3, 4 or 5 years, you finally realised that document you signed when you first joined the glamorous firm was nothing but lies.

Then, you decide to ply your trade in the commercial world, you leave those glamorous firm. You think joining a commercial firm will bring about a good change, not knowing that such move means you switched from being a 'profit centre' to a 'cost centre'. One of the main effect of the switch is that you will be working doubly hard compared to the profit centre, which probably includes a lot of late nights too... but your salary and bonus is much lower compared to profit centre. What does this mean... a story for another time.

One thing for sure... your morning will now be something like...Your alarm rings, signalling another day... another weekday. You get up, after snoozing the alarm a million and one times. You hope today is Friday, but it's not, and you feel like shit. You think of a million and one reasons to take MC, but you realised you have to go to office because you failed to finish the report due today though you stayed till 10pm last night.

You tell yourself you need to change job, just like how you have been telling yourself in the last 1 year. Once in office, you're in a dilemma cause you want time to go slower so that you can finish your work but yet, you want time to go faster so that you can leave the office and go for lunch.

During lunch, you will bitch with your colleagues about work and probably the bosses. You will all talk about so many people who seem to be doing so well except for you. You realised you should have done something else while in university.

You realised you may have made a mistake in life...

a mistake in being a professional...

you have made... a professional mistake.

Related article
Auditor = Prostitute?

Escaped Lion

Recent news of a wild lion escaped from the local zoo. Seen wandering around industrial area in Malacca.

There he is..

but wait..

SheeeeaT!




Lesson learnt. Don't judge a lion by its fur. LoL!


Source of news unknown.

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Gynae's funeral

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynaecologist"...

Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...

No offense Gals.. but it's true about the points

Hav a good laugh.
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)



HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)


.......
Now what chance do you have??? LMAO!

Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...

Mentally ill patient vs truck driver

A story of a truck driver who is more stupid than a mentally ill patient.

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Health Centre.

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no
wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that" The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...

The Joe and John Boat Story

They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it.

Well, here's a good boat story:

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-starters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.

Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.

A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.
She was a rotten old thing from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always holding water.
She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway..
The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"

The old woman fainted.

Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...

Lawyer vs Auditor

I've read this about a blonde and a man from the US, but the role changed to professionals in this version, adapted locally. The blonde supposed to be tired and rolled over and the man supposed to be inviting the blonde to play his game, and the moral of the story is do not look down on blonde's intelligence. Anyway, it doesn't matter much. Enjoy.

An auditor and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from
Kuala Lumpur to Kota Kinabalu. The lawyer asks if the Auditor would like to play
a fun game?

The Auditor, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me
$5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the Auditor's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this
torment unless he plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth tothe moon?"

The Auditor doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay", says the lawyer, "your turn." He asks the lawyer,

"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library, no answer. Frustrated, he sends Emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Auditor, and hands $500.00. The Auditor says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the Auditor and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Auditor reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...