Are you a "Professional"?

Got this circulating around within "professional" colleagues. If you're one of the "professionals" , it's interesting to read on. How true it is, how applicable it is, your judgment.

A professional mistake
Your alarm rings, signalling another brand new day. You get up, looking forward for another new day of challenge, another new day to learn. After washing up, you put on your office outfit, giving you that professional look, one that you believe many out there envy. Breakfast follows (perhaps), and you head off to your office.

You're one of the earliest to arrive, ahead of all your superior and when they come in later, they greet you and you feel all charged up for another productive day. Plenty to do and learn and hence, you are prepared to stay back late to do all that is necessary.

If you're currently doing a degree in finance, accounting or law, the above is probably what you've been waiting for all these years. You work your ass off (well... most of you) in university because it's your dream to join one of those big glamorous firms out there in the market. Lawyers and accountants are the usual suspects for this curse.

Once graduated, all of them will run like headless chicken towards those big firms. If you're an accounting student... you want to be an auditor in one of the Big-4 right?

Well, if you do make it, it's like a dream come true. In such firms, you get a personal computer, maybe a notebook (wow!). All your stationeries are free, and it's also the first time you step into a 'pantry', where you can make your own coffee, just like those nice offices in TVB series.

Next, you get an exclusive e-mail, the domain after your name is not the ordinary "@gmail.com" or "@hotmail.com" or "@yahoo.com"... No, it's not, it's "your-name@a-big-and-glamorous-firm.com". You can't wait to tell that to your friend.Then comes the feeling of giving a business card with your name on it, and it's not any other business card, it's one with your name on it, it's one that signifies you're an employee with a-big-and-glamorous-firm. And... the word below your name is not a lowly "accounts executive"... the word below your name is exclusive... the word below your name is... "Associate". And when your friend gives you the

"Wow, you're an associate with this firm?"... you get into instant orgasm.

3 or 6 months into your job, you will then be experiencing the euphoria of saying... I-am-very-busy... I-have-a-lot-work... I-worked-till-very-late-last-night... I-can't-make-it-for-the-gathering-cos-I-have-to-work-this-weekend. Yeah, it's an euphoria because to you, it's a privilege to be busy, it's very cool to work late, you're very proud to work in during weekends. When you utter such words, a sense of arrogance and pride radiates from you.

You feel great because working so hard means you learnt a lot of things, those not in the professional industry somehow looks lowly to you. You feel big, you feel you're a level smarter than them .Reality will tend to sink in within 2 years or so, though the duration seems to be getting shorter and shorter now with the younger generation.

First, you will probably ask yourself, how come a graduate like you must do all sorts of donkey jobs such as photocopying, checking invoices, going through pile and pile of documents and filing. You will also be wondering how come your superior whom you once looked up to have to suck up to clients. Oh yeah... mostly all clients are unreasonable.If you're an accountant, you will probably realise that there is no such thing called a 'balance' sheet. It's balanced because you did the balancing act so that your big boss can sign on it and certify it as 'true and fair'. Yeah... signing on accounts, the job that you once dreamed of... isn't exactly all a bed of roses.

You then realise that you will probably never reach that "just-need-to-sign-only stage" but hey... it's ok, you probably hate that job by now. When you tell your client something, chances are you are just as blur and confuse as them. But you have to act as though you're an expert because you're the con-sul-tant. This is just a glimpse of it.Now, all the late nights and irregular meals will probably caused you to age 8 years in 2 years.

Those I-am-very-busy... I-have-a-lot-work... I-worked-till-very-late-last-night... I-can't-make-it-for-the-gathering-cos-I-have-to-work-this-weekend will take its toll on your body and it will show.

You will probably look very skinny... or very far... you will certainly look old and worn out. Working late and spending weekends in the office is no longer a cool thing but absolute stupidity. But hey... you will still have to do it, because there's still much work to be done.

By now, all your friends who ended up as salesmen or doing other thing except being a professional, those whom you felt superior to are driving anything but a proton. But for you, it's time to think whether you should buy a proton cause your perodua is beginning to give you problem. Of course, if your father is well-connected fella, things can be different. But if you're not, tough luck. You'll be wondering how come you're generally under-paid.

Those exposure and learning curve that you once craved are no longer relevant. You want to make more money. But unless you're a partner of the glamorous firm, money can be a lil tough to come by.At this point of time, probably after 3, 4 or 5 years, you finally realised that document you signed when you first joined the glamorous firm was nothing but lies.

Then, you decide to ply your trade in the commercial world, you leave those glamorous firm. You think joining a commercial firm will bring about a good change, not knowing that such move means you switched from being a 'profit centre' to a 'cost centre'. One of the main effect of the switch is that you will be working doubly hard compared to the profit centre, which probably includes a lot of late nights too... but your salary and bonus is much lower compared to profit centre. What does this mean... a story for another time.

One thing for sure... your morning will now be something like...Your alarm rings, signalling another day... another weekday. You get up, after snoozing the alarm a million and one times. You hope today is Friday, but it's not, and you feel like shit. You think of a million and one reasons to take MC, but you realised you have to go to office because you failed to finish the report due today though you stayed till 10pm last night.

You tell yourself you need to change job, just like how you have been telling yourself in the last 1 year. Once in office, you're in a dilemma cause you want time to go slower so that you can finish your work but yet, you want time to go faster so that you can leave the office and go for lunch.

During lunch, you will bitch with your colleagues about work and probably the bosses. You will all talk about so many people who seem to be doing so well except for you. You realised you should have done something else while in university.

You realised you may have made a mistake in life...

a mistake in being a professional...

you have made... a professional mistake.

Related article
Auditor = Prostitute?

No offense Gals.. but it's true about the points

Hav a good laugh.
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)



HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)


.......
Now what chance do you have??? LMAO!

Check this out
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- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...

When Mori met Obama

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!

Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...

The instructor told Mori, "when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?'
Now, you should say 'Me too'.
Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who are you?' (Instead of 'How are you?')

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..'

So then Mori replied 'Me too, ha-ha.. .'.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room...

Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...

"T" ... The Evolutionary Drink! For Men Only

I wondered how I got this. Nevermind of where, how, and whom I got this from, it does not matter much though. Appended below is a "Man's Need For More Power" evolutionary drink advertisement posted in a local ebay kind of site. If you can understand Malay language, it is your advantage, coz translation may not be 100% correct for the testimonials below.

And the content of the auction goes like this:

A break through sexual enhancer, which gives you the power to quickly and easily overcome your sexual frustration.

T extract drink a very strong blood flow stimulator which forces blood to the chamber of your penis during arousal .Over an extended period of time usually 120 days , the continuous forcing of extra blood into this chamber slowly expend them causing your penis to staying power ,pleasure & stamina.

Safe and extremely effective, T extract drink will give men increased number of ejaculatory contraction for longer lasting orgasms. Stronger , deeper contractions from that are much fuller from start to finish allowing for significantly for more instance orgasms , an increase in ejaculate for longer , stronger , faster ejaculate recovery and able for 2nd , 3rd and even 4th games.

What will you feel with T Extract Drink ?
Superb sex drive
Harder & powerful errection
Better performance & endurance
Increase depth & intensity of orgasms
Increase stamina , testrone & staying power

Individual who are presently using consume T Juice Extract report that they satisfy their partner more often , enjoy better orgasms , stiffer errections & feel so manly. For those man that looking for natural herbal without prescription vitality product look no further.
Our product are guaranteed to increase libido, enhance your sexual pleasure safely and suitable for man & woman [WHAT? Man and WOMAN? okay... If both drink, there is possibility of a soil erosion or maybe earthquake then. That's what one of the testimonial is saying.]

Testimonials

"T kau POWER GILER SIM.. termasuk hari ni dah 7 kali mandi wajib,nampak gaya beraya dlm bilik aja le, member dtg rumah ckp TAK ADA "
Translation: Your T is CRAZILY POWERFUL.. Inclusive of today, it has been 7 times "compulsory bath", seen spectacular only in the bedroom, when good friends came for a visit, said NOBODY AROUND"

"Memang betul cakap ko bro...power giler....satu malam tak tidor..dia kata LUAR BIASA...apa lagi aku pulun sampai pagi la...skg dia puas & aku pun suka...tiap-tiap bulan tolong reserve 1 karton...reserve jangan tak reserve.. aku mesti ambik punya
Translation: You are absolutely right bro.. crazy power.. one night did not sleep.. she said OUTSTANDING!.. what else, I did it til dusk.. now she's satisfied and I love it too.. Every month please reserve one carton.. reserve, do not, not reserve.. I surely will take it

Bro..
Fantastic !!!!!!!!!! I love it...U are correct.... All night long...he..he..he
Negaraku tanah tumpah..aduh dr semalam dah benda ni dok nyanyi...sempoi...
Translation: Bro.. [Singing the national anthem] My country, land/soil erosion.. Ouch, it has been singing since yesterday...


memang power la T ko...memang naik gila sex drive aku...pastu, tool aku, jgn citer la..sentuh sikit jer, dah melawan.... :-D
Translation: Really powerful this T... my sex drive has increased mad.. and then, my "tool", don't need to mention.. when contacted, already "fighting" :-D

Dah seminggu menderita brg lemah, tapi hari ini ajaib T terbukti Berkesan
Translation: It has been a week in despair of weak thing, but today the magical T has proven to be effective


Saya Hj K. Komen saya T amat meransang,Dlm umur ^& tahun fungsi lelaki saya kembali aktif
Translation: I'm Haji K. My comment is that T is very stimulating. At the age of ^& [This requires keyboard knowledge to understand], my function as a man has returned to be active

T punya pukulan , Isteri saya dah mengandung dah
Translation: T's effectiveness, my wife is pregnant!

Well, congratulations to the men. You guys have finally found the way of ultimate happiness and satisfaction of life out of it. However, happiness and joy can be expressed in a more 'gentlemen' or professional way. It is published not as means to lough or made fun out of these, but it is better to control the language and way of expressing the satisfaction, should any of my readers encounter the moment like these men did.

How a man's sex drive is so important to any individual male in this world! The impact of losing it, or gaining from it after losing, are both extraordinary.... Even for me, it is no exception.

For those whom required the product, do not hesitate to contact me. I am not a distributor, but I know 'where' to get it.

Kill at Will

There was once when I was doing my auditing job, one of my colleague pops up this question out of no where. He said,

" Who the hell created accounting? I'm gonna kill him if I were to know him. "

He was actually the team leader of the very-tight-deadline interim audit engagement for the Company, Boral Plasterboard. I've got much respect for him.

I finally know now, who is the founder of the stupid accounting theory. There shouldn't be any theory in the first place. According to CPA Australia:

Some people could argue that 'theory of accounting' is a nonsensical and inappropriate label given to a particular physical activity, which is the ' accounting '.

Such people could point out that many, if not most, physical activities take place without the need to operate according to a 'theory'. Were this not the case, every human activity could be defined as a 'theory'!

In one sense, it's easy to understand the point being made here. It does seem ludicrous to talk of, for example, the 'theory of walking the dog'. While some human activities might not be underpinned by theory, accounting seems different. If there is no theory of accounting, how does one explain the existence of accounting rules? Perhaps we need to broaden up our idea of what a 'theory' actually is.

Present-day accounting theory is largely based on the principles of historical cost accounting (HCA). HCA was not invented. Instead, HCA was codified (i.e put in writing) by detailed observation of accounting activity, with inductive logic being used to infer higher level principles and objectives. Observers noted that accountants generally record events on the basis of transacted amounts, and inferred from this that accounting operated according to the principle of 'historical cost'. However, not all accounting principles are based on historical cost. For instance, revaluation of property is not transaction-based activity.

Early attempts by members of the accounting profession to document the concepts of accounting can be traced back to the 1920s. Over time, various efforts have been made to codify accounting activity on the basis of observation. Among them were authors who have since come to be regarded as founders of accounting theory:

Paton (1922); Sanders, Hatfield and Moore (1938); Gilman (1939); Paton and Littleton (1940); and Grady (1965).

One of the most famous codification exercises was that carried out in the 1960s by US accounting researcher Mr. Paul Grady. After a long period of observation, he produced his 'inventory of generally accepted accounting principles', also known as GAAP today. Grady made explicit the fact that GAAP rested on a number of principles, including that of using historical cost to record transactions.

For this instance, then what should be a better name for 'accounting'?

His name is Mr. Paul Grady. FYA.

Adapted from CPA Australia Study Guide

Nippies...

We have got 29 types of nipples registered.

Match yours here.


Taken from Dr. Liew.net

Birthday

My good friend had a birthday recently. And his birthday cake looked like this!



What the...... Horizontal candles!

Haaaappi BurfDay Loping.....! and to UmenG!

Toilet.....

Spotted another weird notice in the Japanese company recently. This time, it's in the toilet. The notice reads:


Notice in Malay language.

Which, direct translated to English, it reads: "Please take care of your handphone!!! So that it will not fall into the toilet bowl.

If your handphone falls into the hole and it clogged the toilet, you have to pay for the repairs...

The Management"

What else in the production area? I would keen to find out.

This is a plant that I spotted, that's very nice and hope one day I can buy it somewhere in Kuala Lumpur.


What kinda plant is this?
The Japanese did not speak to us, nor we need to speak to them, although they are the superiors. Coz I noticed even the permanent staff in the office can hardly talk and listen to Japanese! Hearing them talking in English is like so difficult, twisting and rolling their tongue. Well, this is what they studied anyway. They do study English, but their English is written in Japanese pronounciations. Toughhhh..

The superiors did not talk to us, so they ordered their staff to treat us lunch.


California Pizza!! She's Kelly-Jang.

Smoking ..

Recently I am auditing a Japanese company manufacturing handphone cases and car dash boards in Bangi, Malaysia. Workers there have free lunch and dinner everyday! I think breakfast too. Most of the staff there do smoke alot, so as the management. We have a smoking area in the office with fan ventilators specially made for it, the ground floor and each room is equipped with a ashtray. Too bad none of my team members smokes, not even a social smoker. I saw a notice sticked on the wall at the ground floor sming area, which reads:




Is it for real?

Enjoy, Yet Saving Transportation Costs

Some tables and chair suppliers for house events are playing a circus party on their small lorries. I have been following them for a while, seeing the man at times were adjusting his butt on the wooden flat tables whenever the lorry turns, he seemed so afraid of falling.


Due to the surge of oil prices, people tend to put life at risk to cut costs. Especially Chinese.

Now Hiring

At the recent Career & Training Fair 2005 at Mid Valley Exhibition Centre, Kuala Lumpur, nothing is encouraging. Companies that exhibiting were Intel, Price Solutions (it's an active Standard Chartered Bank subsidiary), Sushi King, Tesco, Marcus Evans (an event management company, but they are exhibiting Only for recruitment of inbound Sales Personnel! O_o I was mesmerized), Jaya Jusco, Delloitte KassimChan, Flextronics, a bunch of "financial planning" jobs from AIA, Prudential, Sony, Samsung, Genting and a whole stretch of local universities and colleges like UTM, UKM, UUM, UPM, UM, and ughh, *enough. There were also a bunch of cubicles for interviewing sessions to be carried out on the spot. They've made it very convenient and efficient.

However, I gained excitement when I came across a booth of Polis Diraja Malaysia (Royal Police Force of Malaysia) and there were some girls there so excited about the jobs offered by the police academy. One of them say, "It can be considered.." and heard another one said "not a bad one" and etc etc. So I took the opportunity to grab the almost-finished flyers, which is A3 sized printed on glossy papers. I nominate this flyer the best one among all the exhibitors of the event!

Take a look at the right hand corner of the flyer, there's a list of badges according to rankings in the police force.


For better view, download it and enlarge the picture using your picture viewer


Rankings

High profiles in the police force are those with lil crowns, lil stars and keris (a deadly Malay sword) symbol. Newbies police have nothing on their shoulders.

OK. Further bottom right is the motto of the police force ("Friendly, Fast And Correct"), in which we think the entire phrase is directly opposite in the meaning. Let's just face it.

Legend:
UTM - Universiti Technologi Malaysia
UKM - Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
UUM - Universiti Utara Malaysia
UPM - Universiti Putra Malaysia
UM - University Malaya

Top 5 Deadliest Questions Martians Ever Encountered

The top five toughest questions women ask - and their answers according to Sassy magazine, the five questions are:

• "What are you thinking?"
• "Do you love me?"
• "Do I look fat?"
• "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
• "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1. "What are you thinking?"

The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."

Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: Baseball; Football; How fat you are; How much prettier she is than you; How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg.
"If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2. "Do you love me?"

The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear."

Wrong answers include:

• I suppose so.
• Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
• That depends on what you mean by "love".
• Does it matter?
• Who, me?

3. "Do I look fat?"

The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room.

Wrong answers include:

• I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
• Compared to what?
• A little extra weight looks good on you.
• I've seen fatter.
• Could you repeat the question?
• I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier."

Wrong answers include:

• Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
• I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
• Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
• Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
• Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5. "What would you do if I died?"

Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife.
"What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "
And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily.
"And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes . . . I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet.
"And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too?"
"Of course not, dear," said the husband.
"She's left-handed."


Thoughts of the above by a friend:

I personally do not think its too much bout these questions. It is because you guys prefer to talk in your head and we like to talk things out.

1. what are you thinking? i like to ask this question. it is not as if i am so bloody free with ntg to do, but out of concern and with that blank look in ur face that make me ask. Sorry for concerning too much then..

2. do you love me? You guys will say this 3 words every chance you can. After 6 months, boom! all the magic gone. of course we women have to ask! So that we could get out of the damn relationship and spend our time with some ppl who actually appreciates us.

3. Do i look fat? oh ya, i know i am fat. but the thing is i wan to know IN YOUR EYES baby whether am I fat to u. Because we love you guys we are concern bout how u see us, and we want to look attractive for you look the best FOR you, so that you can show off to your stupid friends and be proud of us and of course make you high too. the best answer will be "I love you just the way you r"

4. Do you think she's prettier then me? sometimes, women just ask things for the sake of communication because you are soooooooo busy thinking or rather talking to urself in the brain. OR u r actually looking at the girl with the mouth open, saliva dripping down. plz look at urself ! Man!! I bet, if i saw a hunk with that same look on face, you will ask me is he hotter then me. And OH Yaaaa he's not only hot! i wanna feeelll him!

5. What would you do if i died? wonderful question which i haven't asked b4. We just wanna know whether could you live without us. COME ON you know u can't! how annoying is this question? i find it very interesting and challenging.... we can get lots of excuses or explanation from men we could never guess. If my hubby die b4 me, no i can't take my life to acompany him, that's against the religion, but... i will use his insurance money to go holliday the places he wish to go.. ooo i can feel the shopping word is popping in my head....

Taking this global matter in serious attention, I've put this into a topic in the forum section, click-able button on the right of this page.

Adaptation from Sassy Magazine & Jiar's article

Evolutionary Cockroach Killer

Jif - $4.99; Travel to supermarket - $6.00; Felt excited to terminate cockroaches with Jif - PRICESLESS! There is something money just can't buy

Uh. I have been very successful in becoming a pest control in my house. Nothing can beat cockroach in 5 Seconds (5 Seconds?) than this concentrated Jif (liquid) - "made to solve really tough cleaning problems without harsh scratching. Use in the kitchen and bathroom and on surfaces like chromed appliances and white goods."

Available in all hypermarkets to sundry shops, this concentrated liquid works better than a conventional aerosol sprays. Target the cockroach from the top of its body, flow out just some dips of the concentrated liquid, and splash water to the enemy so that the concentrated liquid absorbs quickly just as to "clean" it up. Count to 5 and voila! It's deader than dead.

Guaranteed 5 Seconds effect especially the enemy is standing still in a sink, mug or inside the toilet roll - enemy targeting is much easier.

Other not so effective weapons - Clorox Bleach, Persil Laundry Powder, Dynamo Laundry Detergent, Vim Cleaner, etc.