One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.
Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"
"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynaecologist"...
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Monday, September 07, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
No offense Gals.. but it's true about the points
Hav a good laugh.
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
.......
Now what chance do you have??? LMAO!
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
.......
Now what chance do you have??? LMAO!
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Mentally ill patient vs truck driver
A story of a truck driver who is more stupid than a mentally ill patient.
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Health Centre.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no
wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that" The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
The Joe and John Boat Story
They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it.
Well, here's a good boat story:
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-starters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.
She was a rotten old thing from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always holding water.
She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway..
The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Well, here's a good boat story:
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-starters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.
She was a rotten old thing from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always holding water.
She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway..
The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Friday, July 03, 2009
Lawyer vs Auditor
I've read this about a blonde and a man from the US, but the role changed to professionals in this version, adapted locally. The blonde supposed to be tired and rolled over and the man supposed to be inviting the blonde to play his game, and the moral of the story is do not look down on blonde's intelligence. Anyway, it doesn't matter much. Enjoy.
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
An auditor and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from
Kuala Lumpur to Kota Kinabalu. The lawyer asks if the Auditor would like to play
a fun game?
The Auditor, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me
$5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the Auditor's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this
torment unless he plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth tothe moon?"
The Auditor doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay", says the lawyer, "your turn." He asks the lawyer,
"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library, no answer. Frustrated, he sends Emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Auditor, and hands $500.00. The Auditor says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the Auditor and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Auditor reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Signs of men changed. lol
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
LOL
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
LOL
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
When Mori met Obama
This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori, "when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?'
Now, you should say 'Me too'.
Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who are you?' (Instead of 'How are you?')
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..'
So then Mori replied 'Me too, ha-ha.. .'.
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room...
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...
The instructor told Mori, "when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?'
Now, you should say 'Me too'.
Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...
When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who are you?' (Instead of 'How are you?')
Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..'
So then Mori replied 'Me too, ha-ha.. .'.
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room...
Check this out
- A Fun, Creative Ebook Of Jokes, Wit & Humorous Anecdotes. Just Released. Over 1000 Pages, Spiced With Great Color, Graphics, Sound And Music, Clip Art, Animation, And Fun! Great To Carry Around, And For Gift Season Giving. Free Mini Version Sample.
- Over 460 Pages Of Little Snickers, Medium-Sized Chuckles, And Great Big Belly Laughs.
- Classic Best Man Speeches, Wedding Toasts, Jokes & More. A Huge Collection Of Expertly Crafted Best Mans Speeches Toasts And Wedding Speech Tips. Includes Books To Assist With Speech Delivery, Jokes, Toasts, Bonus Speech Writing Books And Much Much More...
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