- "What are you thinking?"
- "Do you love me?"
- "Do I look fat?"
- "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
- "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
1. "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: Baseball; Football; How fat you are; How much prettier she is than you; How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg.
"If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2. "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear."
Wrong answers include:
- I suppose so.
- Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
- That depends on what you mean by "love".
- Does it matter?
- Who, me?
3. "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room.
Wrong answers include:
- I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
- Compared to what?
- A little extra weight looks good on you.
- I've seen fatter.
- Could you repeat the question?
- I was thinking about your insurance policy.
4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:
- Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
- I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
- Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
- Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
- Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
5. "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife.
"What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "
And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily.
"And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes . . . I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet.
"And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too?"
"Of course not, dear," said the husband.
"She's left-handed."
Thoughts of the above by a friend:
I personally do not think its too much bout these questions. It is because you guys prefer to talk in your head and we like to talk things out.
1. what are you thinking? i like to ask this question. it is not as if i am so bloody free with ntg to do, but out of concern and with that blank look in ur face that make me ask. Sorry for concerning too much then..
2. do you love me? You guys will say this 3 words every chance you can. After 6 months, boom! all the magic gone. of course we women have to ask! So that we could get out of the damn relationship and spend our time with some ppl who actually appreciates us.
3. Do i look fat? oh ya, i know i am fat. but the thing is i wan to know IN YOUR EYES baby whether am I fat to u. Because we love you guys we are concern bout how u see us, and we want to look attractive for you look the best FOR you, so that you can show off to your stupid friends and be proud of us and of course make you high too. the best answer will be "I love you just the way you r"
4. Do you think she's prettier then me? sometimes, women just ask things for the sake of communication because you are soooooooo busy thinking or rather talking to urself in the brain. OR u r actually looking at the girl with the mouth open, saliva dripping down. plz look at urself ! Man!! I bet, if i saw a hunk with that same look on face, you will ask me is he hotter then me. And OH Yaaaa he's not only hot! i wanna feeelll him!
5. What would you do if i died? wonderful question which i haven't asked b4. We just wanna know whether could you live without us. COME ON you know u can't! how annoying is this question? i find it very interesting and challenging.... we can get lots of excuses or explanation from men we could never guess. If my hubby die b4 me, no i can't take my life to acompany him, that's against the religion, but... i will use his insurance money to go holliday the places he wish to go.. ooo i can feel the shopping word is popping in my head....
Taking this global matter in serious attention, I've put this into a topic in the forum section, click-able button on the right of this page.
Adaptation from Sassy Magazine & Jiar's article
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